That’s What Friends Are For

It was nearly dinner time in the Leopard’s lair, and her cubs were getting hungry.

Mummy Leopard went to the cupboard for her cooking pots. To her surprise, the pots were not there. She looked everywhere, but the pots had gone.

“But Mummy,” said one of the cubs. “A leopard never loses its pots!”

“It gets worse,” said Mummy Leopard. “There’s no food to eat either.”

Knowing that a hungry cub is not a happy cub, Mummy Leopard had to act fast.

She leapt from the lair to see if her friends could help.

“Don’t worry?” said HippoPOTamus. “I’ve got a POT you can have.” And it was pretty big.

“We can each give you a PAN,” said PANda and ChimPANzee.

“That’s great,” said Mummy Leopard. But what can we eat?”

“I have HAM,” squeaked HAMster.

“We can offer OATS,” whispered the little stOATS.

“I will send over my CHICK to bring you some eggs,” crowed the CHICKen.

“And I’ve heard you can get CORN from the UniCORN.” Not that anybody had seen the Unicorn for a long time.

“You’ll need something to cook with. You can use my BUTTER,” said a BUTTERfly as it fluttered by.

Very soon, they also got LARD from a passing MalLARD and WOOD from the WOODpecker for a cooking fire.

“I wish I could give you something,” said the sad giraffe. “But all I have is GIR or AFFE. I don’t suppose that’s what you need.”

“What we do need is a to get all this food and pots and pans back to my lair,” said Mummy Leopard.

“Aha! How about using my CAR?” said the CARibou.

So they carried everything to the car using the BRAS of the ZeBRAS.

Then all of a sudden, BANG! They got a puncture, and they were stuck.

“We need to get this old tyre off and get a new one on,” said Caribou.

“That’s ok, matey. I have a JACK you can use,” said the JACKal. “It will be fun being called Al for a while!”

“Mmm, we are not too safe here. I will keep my EAR our for dangers!” said the EARwig.

So the tyre was quickly changed, and on they went. When they all arrived at Mummy Leopard’s lair, there was another problem.

“Oh no! I left in such a hurry; I locked myself out,” she roared.

“That’s ok, we’ve each got a KEY,” said DonKEY and MonKEY. Luckily, one of the keys fitted, and all the food and pots and pans were taken inside.

“You’ve all been so kind,” said Mummy Leopard. “I’d like to cook you all some dinner too. Who can help me?”

In no time at all, the LlaMA offered his MA, and the BiSON offered her SON to come and help.

“I’ll do my BIT as well,” said the rabBIT.

‘Perhaps my ANTE could help too,” said the ANTElope. Being bad at spelling, he didn’t realise that he didn’t actually have an Auntie after all. So he sent his Uncle instead.

“I’ll use my PUFF to get the fire going,” said the PUFFin. “And we’ll provide the CANS to serve the food in,” said PeliCAN and TouCAN.

“Anything I can do?” said the sad giraffe, but nobody could name a thing.

So they all sat in Mummy Leopard’s lair and had the best meal ever.

“I think we should give you something for the lovely meal,” they all said, their tummies tight with food.

“I know! I’ll provide a BILL,” said Duck BILLed Platypus. “And we’ll use my PEN to write it out!” squawked the PENguin.

“I’ll put in a QUID,” said the sQUID. “I’ll give you a GUINEA,” said the GUINEA pig.

“And we have some GOLD here,” said the GOLDfinches.

So by coming altogether and each giving a little bit of themselves, all the animals had saved the day. Which is why they say a Leopard never loses its pots. Because its friends wouldn’t ever let that happen.

And just to cheer up the sad GIRAFfe – they all lived happily ever GIRAFFter.

Snail’s Tale

A snoozing snail awoke in quite a state
“I feel like I’ve suddenly lost loads of weight!”
A passing ant exclaimed “Well, well, well!
You seem to be totally short of a shell!”

The snail couldn’t believe what the ant had said.
“But it was there last night when I went to bed.
It’s always there with me - come sun, rain or frost.
It never comes off, just in case it gets lost!”

The snail and ant searched under every stone and flower
They went round in circles for hour upon hour
They tweeted the birds to look out as well
And put up a big poster that said “Missing Shell”

The poor snail felt so sad and alone
“What will I do without my precious home?”
The ant said “You can stay in my hill for bit
And don’t worry about your home – we will find it!”

Next day all the bugs gathered round for the snail
They looked high and low but all to no avail
But then a busy bee bumbled into sight
He said “I saw some dodgy types take your shell in the night”

“I remember they were two rather evil looking fellows
And like me, they we dressed all in black and yellow
I supposed I could have told them to stop
But I assumed you were simply doing a house swap”

As the bee buzzed off, they saw the postmantis appear
“Snail mail letter for you mate. Please sign here!”
“Maybe it’s about your home!” exclaimed the ant with glee
And sure enough, the note was from Sting Mortgage Company

“They said my payments are behind, so they sent the boys to collect”
If I don’t pay dosh to this bunch of wasps, my lovely home is wrecked!”
“No wonder they’re hated” said the ant “Swarm of evil wasters!”
“Picking on a humble, furloughed, ex-lettuce leaf taster”

“Don’t worry snail, we’ll sort this, it’s not all doom and gloom.”
And having got snail up to speed, they set up a showdown Zoom

He pleaded with Sting “Sure in all things, I am slow
But even at my snail’s pace, you gave me no time to go!”

“You don’t pay, you get stung - that’s the rules” 
Hissed the evil, waspish MD

And don’t think you can take us for a mug
For all we know, you’re a fraudulent slug!”

Ant cried “Are you completely mental?”
“A slug shell could SURELY only be rental!”

“And if my friend’s home isn’t back by tomorrow at best
We’ll get the smoking beagles to blow in your nest”

And the MD knew there was no way
That wasps could survive 40 smokes a day 
So with a buzz and a frown
He quickly backed down
And snail got his home back to stay

And to transform his nightmare to every other snail’s dream
He set up an instant shell replacement scheme
He proudly named it S Cargo
And when they’re short of a shell, it’s where all snails go
So next time you see a snail, let his shell be a sign
That good will overcome evil, time after time.

#poetical
4 #incidental

Wonky Donkey

Nothing was as wonky as donkey

His legs on one side were twice as wide
But while they were stronger, the others were longer
So he’d lean at an angle and his short legs would dangle
And everywhere he’d go, he would sway to and fro

He tried using a table to make himself stable
He tried bending his knees to stand up with more ease
He thought he might cope if he stood on a slope
But it was covered in mud and he slipped with a thud

He tried skates with big wheels and wearing high heels
He tried bouncing on springs and flying with wings
He tried sitting like a dog and hopping like a frog
He tried stilts and a box and inflatable socks

“It’s not fair,” cried Donkey, “I don’t want to be wonky”
“Life would be so great, if I could only walk straight
But I seem to be built so I constantly tilt,
It seems really mean that I always have to lean

Then his good friend the horse said “Well of course,
It seems very sad but you should really be glad
Being different to the rest could turn out for the best
Because being wonky makes you a very special donkey.”

And every kind of beast from West and East
And North and South heard from the horse’s mouth
About the world famous donkey who was fabulously wonky
So they came from near and far and made donkey a star

He had his own TV show and wherever he’d go
They loved their favourite donkey for being so wonky
He lived like a king and didn’t want for anything
Because in a funny kind of way, being different is OK

Why?

Why does custard have a skin?
Why is spaghetti always thin?
Why do bells make such a dong?
Why are giraffes’ necks so long?

Why does rain come from the sky?
Why do eggs sizzle when they fry?
Why is my dog’s nose always cold?
Why do tortoises look so old?

Why are beds so warm and cosy?
Why are old ladies always nosey?
Why do flowers smell like perfume?
Why do I have to tidy my room?

Why are some ducks made of plastic?
Why do knickers need elastic?
Why isn’t chocolate in bigger bars?
Why would anyone go to Mars?

Why is melted cheese like string?
Why is there a queen bee but no king?
Why is a baby’s bum so soft?
Why do spiders all live in the loft?

Why do finger nails get so dirty?
Why do I have to get up at six thirty?
Why won’t peas stay on my fork?
Why can’t you take a goldfish for a walk?

Why don’t they know this
My Dad and my brother?
All they ever say to me is
“ASK YOUR MOTHER!!”

What Colour?

Canoe is Blue
Gown is Brown
Bed is Red
Fellow is Yellow
Bean is Green
Stove is Mauve 
Kite is White 
Yak is Black 
Drink is Pink 
Knight is White 
Jay is Grey
Toys are Turquoise
Didn’t there oughta
Be a colour for water?

Hugh the Shoe

Was pink and blue
He proudly walked around
Along the ground

He had eight eyes
Where his laces were tied
And a tongue in between
That was long, thin and green

Hugh was a left shoe
Who, as you do,
Had a brother on the other foot called Drew

Hugh and Drew
Were both size two
And went very far
On the feet of a rock star

But they were not very pleased
That his feet smelled of cheese
So as they marched right and left
They both held their breath

Then when they were old
Hugh got a cold
“Atchoo!” cried Hugh
“Bless you” said Drew

“Have you got a chill?”
“You look rather ill”
“Yes, there’s a hole in my sole
And the cold got through” said Hugh

But when he woke up next day
The cold had gone away
And so had the hole
His sole was back whole

They both been repaired
Because the rock star cared
About his shoe 
That had caught the flu

So Hugh and Drew were happy shoes
You could see their smiles for miles and miles
“Thank goodness” said Hugh “he mended my hole
“It was making me such a miserable soul.”

How?

How can jelly taste so nice?
How does water turn to ice?
How can kittens be so cute?
How do owls make such a hoot?

How does wind make washing dry?
How can clouds float through the sky?
How does chocolate melt into goo?
How can there be such a pong in the loo?

How can cats see in the dark?
How did all those animals get into the Ark?
How can one sock stay up when the other falls down?
How come grass is green and mud is brown?

How does hair get so tangled in knots?
How does measles bring you out in spots?
How can space be dark when stars are so bright?
How can little spiders give Nana such a big fright?

How can shadows be so long and black?
How does my doggy get fleas on his back?
How can honey be made by bees?
How come pepper always makes you sneeze?

How can water have no taste?
How does my Dad get a prickly face?
How come flies stop buzzing when they land?
How do crabs breathe underneath the sand?

How does milk make corn flakes soggy?
How do birds not collide when it’s foggy?
How do dreams come into your head?
How can my Dad spend so long in the shed?

I ask my Mum “ How can be all this be so?”
But all she says is “ How should I know?”

The Boy Called Daniel Who Came With No Manual

If you asked him to pull he would push
If you asked him to talk he would shush
When you thought he might smile, he’d frown
If you said pick it up, he’d put it down

If you said don’t rush, he’d run faster
Instead of ‘please Miss’ he’d say ‘ please Master
If you told him to work he would play
If you said’ get up’ he’d sleep all day

When it was time to eat food he would drink
For a bath he’d get into the sink
If you said ‘put your coat on’, he’d take it off
When you expected him to sneeze he would cough

When others went left he’d go right
When people said ‘Good Day’ he said ‘Goodnight’
If he had an itchy foot he’d scratch his head
When told ‘ stay in the house’, he’d go to the shed

Why Daniel did all this just wasn’t clear
Then one day his Mum had an idea
The only way for all this nonsense to stop
Was to take her  boy back to the shop

The man in the shop said “Ah yes, Daniel”
“Didn’t he come with an instruction manual?”
“Most little boys have a button to press
Just in case things get in a terrible mess”

So he showed them a picture of a boy on the telly
And there was the button, in the middle of his belly
“Just press it once and they’re as good as gold
And they’ll do exactly as they’re told.”

That’s why there’s a belly button on every child
To keep them normal an to stop them going wild
But the thing about Daniel (and don’t tell a soul)
Is that he also didn’t come with a remote control

So if he goes funny once in a while
Just pretend nothing happened and give him a smile!

Grumpy Young Man

My egg is too runny
Doing homework’s not funny
Bedtime’s far too early
My sister’s too girly

Haircuts are boring
Grandad keeps snoring
My pants make me itch
And my teacher’s a witch

Lemonade makes me burp 
My uncle’s a twerp
Long sums get me grumpy
And my duvet is lumpy

Brushing teeth is a chore
It makes me wee on the floor
Which makes my feet sticky
So walking is tricky

My shorts are so tight 
That they make my legs white
And my socks are too grey
And my mouse ran away

Big dogs are scary
And I don’t like Aunt Mary
She kisses me lots 
And brings me out in red spots

When things I do make mum red
I’m sent up to bed 
Although I’m never to blame
I’m told off all the same

Baths takes far too long
My old socks always pong
There’s never enough cakes
And my bike has no brakes

Grown ups are too old 
And tea stinks when it’s cold

But what I hate most
Is dropping my toast.