Snail’s Tale

A snoozing snail awoke in quite a state
“I feel like I’ve suddenly lost loads of weight!”
A passing ant exclaimed “Well, well, well!
You seem to be totally short of a shell!”

The snail couldn’t believe what the ant had said.
“But it was there last night when I went to bed.
It’s always there with me - come sun, rain or frost.
It never comes off, just in case it gets lost!”

The snail and ant searched under every stone and flower
They went round in circles for hour upon hour
They tweeted the birds to look out as well
And put up a big poster that said “Missing Shell”

The poor snail felt so sad and alone
“What will I do without my precious home?”
The ant said “You can stay in my hill for bit
And don’t worry about your home – we will find it!”

Next day all the bugs gathered round for the snail
They looked high and low but all to no avail
But then a busy bee bumbled into sight
He said “I saw some dodgy types take your shell in the night”

“I remember they were two rather evil looking fellows
And like me, they we dressed all in black and yellow
I supposed I could have told them to stop
But I assumed you were simply doing a house swap”

As the bee buzzed off, they saw the postmantis appear
“Snail mail letter for you mate. Please sign here!”
“Maybe it’s about your home!” exclaimed the ant with glee
And sure enough, the note was from Sting Mortgage Company

“They said my payments are behind, so they sent the boys to collect”
If I don’t pay dosh to this bunch of wasps, my lovely home is wrecked!”
“No wonder they’re hated” said the ant “Swarm of evil wasters!”
“Picking on a humble, furloughed, ex-lettuce leaf taster”

“Don’t worry snail, we’ll sort this, it’s not all doom and gloom.”
And having got snail up to speed, they set up a showdown Zoom

He pleaded with Sting “Sure in all things, I am slow
But even at my snail’s pace, you gave me no time to go!”

“You don’t pay, you get stung - that’s the rules” 
Hissed the evil, waspish MD

And don’t think you can take us for a mug
For all we know, you’re a fraudulent slug!”

Ant cried “Are you completely mental?”
“A slug shell could SURELY only be rental!”

“And if my friend’s home isn’t back by tomorrow at best
We’ll get the smoking beagles to blow in your nest”

And the MD knew there was no way
That wasps could survive 40 smokes a day 
So with a buzz and a frown
He quickly backed down
And snail got his home back to stay

And to transform his nightmare to every other snail’s dream
He set up an instant shell replacement scheme
He proudly named it S Cargo
And when they’re short of a shell, it’s where all snails go
So next time you see a snail, let his shell be a sign
That good will overcome evil, time after time.

#poetical
4 #incidental

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