Panda Moanier

This is a tale of culinary exposure
And scandal in the panda enclosure
It wasn’t a murder or betrayal or crime
Just a bit of a drama at feeding time
As usual the keeper turned up with the food
And the pandas filed out in typically passive mood
But all of a sudden there was quite to-do
As a small female barged to the front of the queue
You could hear a pin drop throughout the place
As she approached the keeper and looked him straight in the face
“I’m sorry you guys but I’ve had quite enough
Of all this predictable feeding time stuff
“I don’t mean to be rude or especially pushy
But would it be too much to request a bit of sushi?
And at the risk of sounding terribly louche
A smidgeon of blue cheese as a small amuse bouche?
To you this may sound beyond belief
But I can’t stomach one more eat, shoot or leaf
And you other pandas, it shouldn’t amaze ya
That we don’t all eat like you in Malaysia!
Some different, varied food is a welcome sight
So why not add a bit of colour and stop thinking black and white?”
At first, nobody knew what to say
But then another panda ordered a takeaway
And soon all the pandas got themselves in stew
About being stuck with boring old bamboo
And within weeks, you couldn’t believe what you’d see
Pandas cooking recipes from programmes on TV
They’d all thrown off their dietary shackles
And there was no dish on earth they’d refuse to tackle
Yet in all the world’s magazines and films and books
There was nothing about pandas being great cooks
But once pandas finally saw some decent recipes
They quickly moved on from bear necessities
From being such simple and unadventurous creatures
These monochrome mammals became evangelistic eaters
No longer contained by lack of food choice
Thanks to one sushi-loving panda who gave them all a voice
So next time she asks, just keep her quiet
Because pandering to a panda is the fast way to a riot!