100 Band Tribute
For Bre-laine (Brian & Elaine).
So how did it all begin? What is the Genesis of Bre-laine? What is the ABC of the happy couple’s story so far?
It all started with a Beach Boys and girls day out one Summer. As The Drifters caressed the shore, their eyes met across a crowded beach hut as Brian was wolfing down a kebab. “That looks tasty, can I have a bite?” she enquired. “Leave Madonna alone!” he exclaimed.
Why don’t you Cher, it could be more fun? Brian succumbed to The Temptations of the lovely lady and Wham, that was it. Suddenly in that beach hut it was a Heatwave, with Sparks of passion everywhere. One Kiss, one romantic Squeeze later, a new Elaine Paige of romantic history was about to be written. The Animals within them could scarcely be contained.
Brian was overcome by poetry. “Oh pussy-cat, Pussy Cat Doll, where have you been?. I’ll be your B B King if you’ll be my Queen!”
“I would move Earth, Wind and Fire for you, my handsome Prince. “cooed Elaine. “ Brain Gee, you are the Bee-Gee for me”.
“You should know” confessed Elaine. ‘Sometimes I can go a bit Lady Gaga and be quite an Iron Maiden, “That’s OK, I consider Girls Aloud to be like that” said Brian. “I can be a bit of a White Snake myself and sometimes get the Moody Blues “
…“And to be Frankie Laine, I should tell you that my Pink Floyd can go Deep Purple at times.” Elaine went Simply Red and fell silent a moment. Then to Brian’s great relief she enthused “Fairground Attractions are the least of my worries. I thought you were going to tell me you were ACDC!” Let there be no more talk of Sex Pistols!”
So, having ironed out The Kinks and explored all The Undertones, they arrived at a wonderful Status Quo.
Elaine, who had continued her original Westlife in the East, decided her future lay with her new man in the Beautiful South. Brian got the Carpenters in to do a bit of Kraftwerk to save having a Crowded House and Elaine made The Move to Ealing.
They broke the news to family over a fish and chip supper. “Pass the Vinegar Joe” said Elaine. We’ve got something to tell you. “Yeah we know, you’re getting wed, we’ve already written something” said Lilia – and by the size of the speech Eric Clapton the table, they weren’t lying. “Lilia Allen has a hand in this doesn’t he?” said Brian. “No, it’s just obvious” they all cried. We’re not Wet Wet Wet behind the ears you know!”
The what, the where and The Who of wedding plans weren’t devoid of The Clash or two. But The Cure was always found to settle The Emotions all round. For example, Brian thought he had the catering sorted. “I’ve sorted the catering” he said cheerfully. I’ve ordered Bread, Marmalade, The Jam, Hot Chocolate and Cream!
“This is Madness” cried Elaine. I can’t Take That! It’s only called a wedding breakfast, you fool. We need to Selector full menu with Specials on the side. We shall have Meatloaf, Red Hot Chili Peppers and Black Eyed Peas with Salt ‘N Peppa and for Sweet, Missippi Mud pie and Vanilla Ice.
And what of the wedding transport? The Cars were a bit of an issue. She wanted a Rose Royce. He wanted his and hers Beatles. So they compromised on the Odyssey off arriving in a Led Zeppelin. For jewellery, she chose a Neil Diamond ring but he said he’s be happy with just an Average White Band on his finger.
As for the timing of the wedding, Elaine would obviously have preferred a climate more suited to Flying Lizards than Arctic Monkeys. Basking in an Oasis would have been better than risking sending out a Snow Patrol. Apparently Nazareth is popular at this time of year. It’s certainly warmer than the Three Degrees or thereabouts we have today in this Winter Stevie Wonder land, that is downtown, yuletide Chiswick. But at least they’re off to a distant Sandie Shaw for their honeymoon.
So here we all are today. They’ve both said Yes. They both look really Chic. The Doors to married life are open. And it’s great to see all The Faces they love and cherish. So now we can all get Slade on Bucks Fizz and have a Wizard time (although obviously, if you’re driving, stop at 10CC as The Police lurk in The Shadows and could Sting you. And we don’t want any of your Saturdays to turn into a Black Sabbath).
It’s been a wonderful day so far and all gone in a Blur. We all wish U2 a great future together and hope you find Nirvana at the end of the Rainbow. It looks like you’ve found what you’ve been looking for. But remember, for all your Musical Youth it’s best not to do too much INXS if you want a long life of XTC!