A Mumentous Achievement

As a kid, I was a nasty piece of work
Who’d steal and skive and arrogantly smirk
I’d smoke behind the bike sheds and spit on the bus
I’d hate and berate and bully and cuss.

My favourite pastimes were drinking and drugs
My enemy was authority and my mates were all thugs
I hated cops, robbed shops and worked my way up to banks
I took while others shook and never even said thanks.

I became an arch villain who did crime just for fun
I was wanted on 5 continents before my forties had begun
I’d happily cause harm without ever feeling sad
I was exceptionally good at being incredibly bad
I was the nastiest character the world’s ever seen
Well, at least, I might have been.

But… and it’s a big but
My Mum is Gill Moss and if I’d strayed
From the good foundations she and Dad laid
I imagine she’d be rather cross!

It’s not that she’s a snob, or a puritan prude
Or filled to bursting with moral turpitude
Or a disciplinarian or tyrant or judge
Just a jolly good person without malice or grudge.

She taught me kindness, affection and consideration
The value of money and list organisation
How to iron and cook and be domestically smart
To flaunt my talents and not mind flunking at art.

These values have been priceless from then to this day
They have kept me from wrong and going the right way
You set my moral compass Mum and stopped me going West
As a future-shaping, home-making, hug-giving, money-saving,
free-chatting, top-knitting, tune-singing, crossword-solving,
present-giving, smart-dressing, family-loving guiding spirit
You’re right up there with the best!

So, I’ll be bold and not say you’re ninety years old
Because in my smiling eyes, you’re simply ninety years wise.